But do they? Does love really exist?
Earthly love is sticky . . . it's needy, so filled with attachment. When we love someone, we expect them to behave a certain way. We have expectations and beliefs about marriage which bring rules and requirements to be met.
I don't know if I really believe in love anymore. I mean, is love supposed to make us "happy?" What is happiness anyway? Who is happy all the time? Who or what is supposed to make us "happy?"
I might feel "happy" after a great yoga class, but my "happy" quickly goes bye bye when I get cut off leaving the studio parking lot. I feel "happy" when I walk into my house and get greeted by my adorable Terrier who licks me like he hasn't seen me in a year, but that too wears off Happiness comes in different shapes and forms. It comes in fresh brewed coffee in my favorite mug or in a brief stint outdoors soaking in what's left of the afternoon sun. It comes when I find what I'm looking for while surfing the internet or from the pages of a good book. But sometimes my "happy" just isn't there.
There are days, like yesterday, when I just don't feel "happy." Years of cynicism and blaming others perpetuated a self-fulfilling cycle of self-induced stress and illness which taught me the hard way that I must cultivate happiness. I've learned that happiness is relative and stems from within. Attitude is key. I've learned that the things of this world and the people in it, especially those closest to you, can be our greatest sources of frustration and unhappiness.
So when we feel split in eight thousand directions, like I did yesterday, trying to juggle it all -- satisfying a thirteen-year old boy, on a Sunday, who desperately needs to hunt Pokemon at a park over thirty minutes away in the middle of the day, with an anxious dog who can't leave my side, while mounds of leaves keep piling up, urging to be raked and bagged, bills screaming to get paid, dinner waiting to be prepared, and outdoor furniture about to get soaked if not quickly covered up before the impending storm hits. So, where's the happiness?
Who's around to help, to bring me my "happy?" My husband? No, he's very busy. He's already on his third football game, all locked up and nestled snugly within the deep recesses of the dark, sound-proof theatre walls, getting his "happy" on.
So while others are going where they want to go or doing what they want to do, moms like me are picking up the slack. But expecting my husband to make me happy is my mistake -- my mistaken belief. Expecting my children to listen to and to do what I expect of them can be disappointing and frustrating.
While society barges in on us, telling us that we can have whatever we want -- buy this fancy new gadget that will make life easier, happier. Drive this new improved type of car, tote this designer bag or see this great new flick, we'll look good and feel good, all at the same time. But what they don't tell us is that all of it is short-lived. Catering to the ego is addictive and unable to sustain happiness. Advertisers keep us outwardly seeking, so that we remain out of touch with our innate power, unable to tap the magic residing within. Getting in touch with who we really are isn't good for sales and threatens the status quo.
So yesterday I said f*ck it; I didn't fight it: I let myself enjoy being unhappy. I needed to be unhappy. Sometimes we just need it. And it's okay!
It wasn't easy at first. I have to admit, I let a little fear creep in and it tried to get me angry and all worked up, but I didn't let it get the best of me. I just went with what I was feeling -- I accepted that I was feeling all down and out -- and I let it happen. I allowed myself to have a pity party. I let it go where it needed: I had a brief blaming rampage, silently blaming everyone for making me feel how I was feeling. I let the battle ensue and after listening to a few songs on the KLove radio and shedding some tears, I thought, "What can I do about this?"
After letting it out, I realized that I couldn't do anything. I didn't need to speak to anyone, solve anything. All I had to do was to get out of my own way. Allowing myself to sit in the pain, rather than fighting it, enabled the sadness to pass. Feeling no threat, I was able to down-regulate and feel calm.
Giving myself permission to feel unhappy was just what I needed. I felt less angry. I could think more clearly. I realized that it wouldn't do much good spewing off my feelings to my 13-year old or to my husband. They wouldn't understand. And none of it is their fault. Unloading on them would be doing the same thing they're doing to me: unloading their own shit without realizing it. We push the stuff we don't want to face onto others. It's easier to see fault in others, rather than face our own shortcomings.. So, I called time out . . . I took care of me so that I could continue to hold space for the ones who need me. Luckily I am aware and am blessed with the know how..
My know-how is faith. Only with faith in a divinely ordered Universe am I able to accept, love, and embrace all that's imperfect. Failing or feeling miserable isn't as daunting with the knowing that there's more to it. There's a lesson in everything if I'm willing to hold on. Knowing when and who to call for help in my time of need is key. My direct pathway for guidance helps me get it all straight without burdening or entangling others with my stuff. Knowing there's a higher Self gives my little self comfort. It's nice to have a place to let it all go, especially the criticism, judgment, and blame. Letting go gives me the space I need. Space makes everything seem less scary. Love has room to grow with space.
The old me, the little me, would continue blaming -- sometimes for a week or so. I would stew and punish my offenders with the silent treatment. I did this a lot, especially in my marriage.
Conditional love calls out to the ego. It's alluring. It gives us a charge. When I got bit by the love bug, I got swept away. Early on, everything was peachy. New love had me beaming in such high frequency. Marriage, for the most part, is a magical time; so filled with idealism, with high energy. The blissful days of courtship allowed me to operate on little to no food or sleep. Love's vibes put me on top of the world., feeling outer-worldly. The feeling is addicting.
It's exciting having a partner. It's beautiful. Marriage is a sacred sacrament -- it's electric. Our laser focus on one another allows us to shut out the world and forget our everyday worries. For the time being, everything is dreamy.
Feeling caught up in the throes of love, we can make light of heaviness. Love makes us smile. Love helps us to forgive things we may otherwise reproach.
But operating from this material perspective; always giving to and receiving from another person can only last for so long. Without sufficiently refueling, there will be imbalance and the relationship will suffer. We cannot continue to fill one another's love tank if the energy is borrowed from each other. We can borrow the electric magnetism from another for only so long, for this tug on another is draining. At some point, we need something to fill back up. To re-fill properly, we must know where to search.
For earthly, material love to sustain, we must fill our respective love tanks from a higher Source that will continually refuel and reenergize us. Faith in God is my foundation for strength and unconditional love. Without it, all other love fails, remains fleeting, mercurial, and filled with disappointment.
Trust and confidence is restored when I allow God in. He offers Himself, shines His light to help me see more clearly, giving me the opportunity to reflect back my worthiness, capability, and propensity for love and forgiveness. Remembering I am made in His image offers space for treating myself with the same respect, love, trust, and gentleness that I offer Him. Faith in God renews my hope and permits me to understand, forgive, accept and offer faith to myself and to others.
Faith and trust in our lover, especially during courtship or the blissful honeymoon stage of marriage; comes easily until the novelty wears off and reality sets in. If we want to experience a life beyond anger, blame, resentment, unhappiness, and disappointment, we need to call in higher level help from a reliable, unbiased, inexhaustible Source..
God provides grounding and balance and helps me navigate and cope with day-to-day living. He's never pushy and waits patiently for me to call upon Him. In Divine communion, he consistently restores my well-being with peace and blissful joy.
Marriage is the first step in love. It's a joining of two souls in love, mutual respect, and commitment. The sacrament of marriage signifies a desire to deepen love over time. Our wedding day is a symbol of faith in love's power. However for this love to sustain and grow, each partner must continually breathe new life into that faith and love and do so by drawing from an inner well.
To live a joyfully, balanced life and to sustain a committed, vibrant, joyful marriage, it is a top priority to protect and replenish our individual energies. Unplugging from our partner for periods of introspection, prayer, and Divine communion allow us to gain a sense of clarity. We can better understand what's draining our energy when we feel calm, centered, and supported. Clarity helps us to identify tools or ways for re-fueling our tank. In order to hold space for and love another, we must first learn how to love and care for our self.
Loving another is a beautiful thing. But, loving yourself is essential for being able to offer love to others. So be careful not to lose yourself in the demands of others. It's important to separate our needs from the needs of others. Earthly love can be challenging. We are easily tricked into thinking that someone else can provide what we want. The ego convinces us to need, to lust, to yearn out of fear and lack. In the longing for another, we forget that we are already complete. We are powerful, beautiful sparks of a much greater love.
God is the greatest Source of unconditional love that forever fills our tank, as He reflects back to us our magnificence. God reminds us of our inner beauty, strength, and power. Intimacy and connection with God gets the little self out of our way. If we keep the lines of communication open with God, everything is possible. Love is possible.
With God, everything can be forgiven and each day can unfold in magical fashion.
From Jewels Heart
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