My mind can make me forget. To see beauty. To see likeness. To see with gratitude. To see with awe. The mind can make me feel so busy so I have to help it out for it to give me some peace and ease.
I've learned to realize that my mind simply needs to label things so that it can move on to the next task. It needs to identify what's going on to make order. But if I allow the mind to lead me, I can feel out of control. If I leave my mind undisciplined by letting it do its own thing, it can take me in a million divergent directions. If I fail to re-MIND myself that I am not my thoughts, then I allow mySelf to get hijacked and feel controlled and overwhelmed.
It took me years to learn how to detach from my thoughts -- to detach long enough to witness how my mind continually repeats . . . and with time and practice, the gap between thoughts has grown long enough that I am better able to become aware of my energy and the energy of others around me.
Left on its own, my mind can make me feel seasick - making me feel badly. In just a short time, the mind can fill me with fear, worry, anxiety, anger, jealousy, shame, and if left unchecked for too long, it can ultimately lead me into a state of depression. If I let it.
Did you know that the mind has over 60,000 repetitive thoughts a day! Yes, this is true. The mind has a tendency to repeat itself and to take on the negative frequency of the collective mind. When left unchecked, the mind repeats and repeats! My mind can get stuck or looped in a negative cycle that causes unnecessary suffering. The mind will go and go until it forces me into needing rest. Into a state of depression.
Depression is anger turned inwardly. It's a form of protection; a freeze mode so that the nervous system is not further overwhelmed. It functions to help us survive.
In order to change the way I feel, "I" must find strength and support. "I" must make up it's mind to become aware enough to CHANGE it's THOUGHTS. This shift requires recruiting the body for help. Living so dissociated from my body, I can forget that I even have a body. When I was little, I lived fully in my body; I felt connected and grounded, playful and engaged. I wasn't really aware of my thoughts. I was too busy playing . . .
I recall as a child feeling present. I played - I really played - I could play because I wasn't "stuck" up in my mind . . . perpetually thinking. I played because the world hadn't fully conditioned me just yet. Outside forces didn't control me just yet. Ignorance was bliss. I wasn't aware of all the things the world was "telling" me I should be aware of. Instead I was aware of only the moment -- still unaware of differences -- I felt free. I naturally flowed towards what felt good. I engaged socially without judgment and criticism; I saw likeness; I saw us -- I saw One.
Yet slowly . . . over time, my playful spirit got affected by rules and routines. The world seemed to turn up its volume, and I could no longer hear my own heart beat like before. As my freedom felt challenged, I would become resistant, more entangled with the world . . . moving towards the world's agenda . . . away from my inner compass, away from HOME.
With less time now for running free-spiritedly, sun drenched and barefoot until dark . . . Fading quickly was the ringlet hair, free-flowing, gently kissed by the salt air . . . Slowly losing my natural rhythm . . . becoming more staccato, more contracted, robotically in step with the drum beat of the world.
As the world stepped in to try to define me, to limit me, I would fall prey to becoming it's victim -- filled with thoughts of betrayal and blame. The black hole betrayal creates can only be filled with shame. For black holes suck the Light out of stars. Unconsciously conceding, believing like a victim, I would eventually seek revenge and become repressed, depressed; angry. Resentfulness and fear further disconnecting me from the truth of who I AM -- further disconnecting me from healthy engagement with others, with nature, and with Spirit.
If "I" only knew more then. Maybe "I" could have avoided the pain?!
Most don't like change. We stay with what's familiar even if we don't like it. Uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. BUT now I better understand what it really feels like to okay with not being okay. It's okay to feel sad, bored, lonely, tired, overwhelmed . . . "I" am getting better with being okay with not being okay. Today, "I" know with greater certainty . . . that transformation comes in chaos; in darkness; in dormancy. For death, pause, rest is necessary for renewal.
Pain is necessary. The soul needs earth schooling and the world offers opportunities to see Truth -- to learn how to respond rather than to react, to stay connected to each NOW moment -- for the chance to see who "I" truly AM.
I am beginning to see who I AM by taking responsibility for the same behaviors I exhibit and wrongfully blamed others for . . . "I" can empathize, forgive and really see the real “you.” To see that WE are One. We are the same. When "I" am connected with Truth, illusion is shattered. There is no "I," there is no "me," there is no "you." There is only Absolute Truth. There is Only Absolute Oneness.
By opening my "I" inner eye, I see limits; mistaken beliefs for"I" has attached itself to for a very long time to what no longer serves my best interest. I can notice that sense of a “me” that has separated from "you."
This hasn't been easy because ego convinced "me" that it was something special. It told "me" that it needed to be different, to be better, to be more than. Ego convinced "me" that "I" wasn't enough. Luckily for Grace, God reMINDS "me" of the Truth. God reminds "me" that "I" AM enough. "I" AM Absolute. "I" AM Love.
ACCEPTING all that "I AM" is Truth which allows "me" to just let life happen - to surrender and accept what is. To stop searching towards achieving something or acquiring from without. But to instead to learn to pause, to breathe, and to allow myself to flow with what is. Here. In. The. Moment. For each moment allows "I" to see Truth, to simply witness life as it unfolds--to not skip a beat, to notice how my heart responds. My heart, not my mind, permits seeing the beauty in life --within and without-- without judgement, without expectation. From the heart, with this knowing, I'm no longer sucked in and taken over by the world's chaos. For I create my inner reality - one that creates a beautiful outer world; a world that is more harmonious and less threatening.
I AM . . . Spirit hear me roar . . . I possess everything and need nothing from this earthly world. I AM not the mistaken beliefs that ego or "me" has taken on from the world in the face of fear. I release all feelings of lack. I unleash; drop all limiting beliefs, detach from the world's rigid agenda and prescriptive definitions. I shake density. I shake off the illusion that ego has so desperately been clinging to, holding onto so tightly.
I AM . . . Truth and fear no more . . . I FEEL Truth. I assert Truth. The greater "I" witnesses instead of battles. "I" is able to align vertically and refuses to blame the world. In horizontal alignment there is more than engagement with the senses but there is engagement with the world with an open-hearted sense of service and purpose. "I" recognizes how the mind works and is able to recruit an eager mind to cooperate when called upon. "I" doesn't believe that everything is happening to it. Instead, "I" knows that people and situations cannot create its pain. For "I" sees beyond ego's false sense of reality. "I" no longer has a reason to attach to a little self. It knows that there is a GREATER Source operating, running the show.
"I" AM . . . not NEEDY but want to fill the needs of others. A little self sees an angry world. But "I" does not feel part of a competitive world that is so full of hate. "I" does not need to change the world; "I" simply lives fully grounded in each present moment. "I" does not wish that everything or everyone should be better. "I" simply works on becoming it's best Self. "I" does not think of what could be . . . Instead, "I" simply is. "I" does not fear. "I" already is enough. . . .without suffering, without pain, without limit, without hate, without resistance . . ."I" accepts pain and suffering as it's natural state -- necessary for spiritual evolution.
"I" AM. . . Love. "I" sees in complete alignment with the highest Self, with God, with Spirit. "I" is open, grounded in the now, unafraid and presently aware. "I" is the heart, the soul; it trusts beyond logic. "I" is that something bigger.
Opening the inner "I" invites intimacy with the wisdom of the soul. When "I" is aligned, life hums. "I" is self-propelling, gentle, kind, and soothing. "I" is always working in the background -- operating harmoniously, without need for words -- for words disrupt its symphony.
God's grace allows "I" to break through the physical mind's inner turmoil. Almost miraculously, in sudden Aha-like fashion, "I" unites the mind with the body -- syncing them -- allowing them to communicate and to do away with conflict. Although the physical world still exists, "I" is unaffected. While nothing external has really changed -- "me" has dropped the need for attachment -- from adhering to anything external for deriving a sense of false power. Little Me has identified wrongly -- it clung to the wrong Source. Rightly aligned with Essence, "I" stands firmly, courageously, in Authentic Power -- "I" no longer needs the little self to make it seem real.
The external physical world is an illusion -- it's all about competition over power –it's the job of the ego to conquer and control. But True Power is the One Source – authentic power and strength; readily accessible, limitless, simply awaiting full allowance in order to SOAR.
I AM powerful. The power of "I" rests within each of us. "I" is eagerly awaiting re-awakening and wants to be fully expressed. Living playfully in the NOW, with gratitude, connected with Source Energy, shifts us into alignment with higher Self, with Oneness. Realigning with Self is relieving, re-energizing and re-orienting -- bringing understanding, clarity, guidance, organization, wisdom, and hope to this Earthly life drama.
An aligned Self is eager, properly nourished and continually energized for socially engaging in all of life's roles. Without fear, there is no need to memorize lines, there's no need for a script. Without fear, there is no worry. There is no need for judgment.
Self-awareness opens the heart and opens the mind, allowing the true Self to emerge -- to act and to create freely, fully able to give and receive love!
WOW. Clarity. What a Relief! Without ego attachment, "I" no longer exists - "I" doesn't get caught up with all the highs or sidelined by all the lows that Earthly life brings. Now "I" can surrender, accept what is, and simply allow life to happen.
NOW "I" can hear God speak. God shakes "me" into opening up, to loosen the contracted, scared, stronghold of little 'self' in order to feel newly inspired for serving others, for live purposely, for playing joyfully, blissfully --with PRESENCE --here and NOW on Earth.
From Jewels Heart